You very rarely hear women say they can achieve orgasm just from penetration, but like the Loch Ness Monster, the legend sticks around just enough to make those who are more clitorally-oriented wonder if it’s worth working towards. And men put a premium on it for a few obvious reasons: (A) Porn and (B) They want to feel like their penis is a sexual hot-rod that will make you speak in tongues and throw your vibrator in a volcano.

So how, if it’s even possible for mere mortals, can we have a vaginal orgasm? Ian Kerner, the author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide To Pleasuring a Woman, says that if you interpret “vaginal orgasm” as achieving orgasm from penetration alone, it’s pretty rare. “Vaginal orgasms don’t happen without some kind of clit stimulation. They can be enhanced with the G-spot, which provides a different sensation, and clitoral orgasm during penetration can give you the feeling of vaginal orgasm.”

So, are vaginal orgasms possible? “I don’t want to say they’re a myth, because some women do have them. But it’s very rare to take a dildo or a vibrator and have an orgasm simply by thrusting.”

It’s a slightly less daunting prospect to narrow down your expectations simply to finding your G-spot. In 2011, a Yale urologist speculated that the G-spot was actually just an extension of the clitoris. Dr. Emily Morse, a sex expert with a doctorate from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, says that Kegels will immensely help you out by strengthening your muscles and basically giving you the vaginal equivalent of a six-pack — when the muscles down there are more defined, it’s easier to locate the G-spot. She also suggests a sex toy with a slight curve.

As for sex with a partner, Morse suggests doing it doggy style:

This rear entry position is a great position for women to reach maximum G-spot pleasure. But they have to assume the right position.

His penis will apply pressure to her G-spot if she starts on all fours and arches her back downwards (pushing her belly button towards the floor) while keeping her head up. If she keeps her arms straight and locks her elbows, channeling the “Cow” of cat-cow pose in yoga, she got it right. This way he can easily lift her hips upwards while he thrusts in a downward motion.

Or woman on top:

When she’s on top, she’s in control and can more easily control the depth, pace and angle her hips in just the right way to hit her G-spot. It might mean leaning forward or back while adjusting the speed and pressure but when she’s on top she can experiment until it’s just right.

As we’ve learned, sufficient clit stimulation is tantamount to having even a vaginal orgasm. Megan Andelloux, executive director at The Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health, says that most women find the upper left hand quadrant of their clit the most receptive to stimulation. She also lists the most difficult orgasmic positions for women: 69-ing, standing, and straddling her partner’s face.

So there you have it. Go forth and find your G-spot.